Another dawn… They keep coming!
This is my second attempt at a ghazal for Jane Dougherty’s challenge:
My first attempt fell toward folly rather than regarding the principles of form so I’m back again, same picture, same theme, leaning more on the rules this time- I think.
So a Ghazal is a love poem, made up of a collection of uneven couplets with a refrain at the end of each couplet, although the first and second lines rhyme too! The refrain should be no more than 1 to 3 words- I accept that I have a refrain of 4! I am a deviant! What can I say!
Along with this, which I completely missed on my first attempt, there is another rhyme which immediately proceeds each refrain making an internal rhyme! Good lord!
Now, come on everyone, give it a try and, if you fall like me, keep trying like me too! Remember it’s all about the journey, not the destination.
My first attempt was penned in a Paris airport, this second attempt at home in Dublin, maybe my Irish ancestors will accelerate success…
Dawn. A Ghazal
I saw her lean into the light
saw Ushas try to still the night,
though she art Dawn, for two she slew,
a sorrowed sigh to still the night,
for fell thee fair, thou rarest gift
a kiss come by to still the night,
yet we no more than passing ships
must beg or buy to still the night,
but Time, born but to bitter brood,
would not comply to still the night,
so, rise dear Dawn, adieu sweet Love,
I make to die, too still the night.
All words by Damien B. Donnelly
22 thoughts on “DAWN II”
You got it, rhyme, rhythm and all! A refrain of four words is fine by me. Great magical poem, Damien, the ancestors were certainly singing to you 🙂
Praise the lord!!! Xx
Or one of the more appropriate Ones 🙂
Definitely one of the Others xx
Pleased to hear it 🙂
You did it. Bravo.
I can see the Irish ancestors smiling, Dami. 🙂 – Greetings to beautiful Bhaile Átha Cliath!
Go raibh maith agat Stefanie, le gra, Dami
Aaah, and now I finally know how to put those words together correctly! Go raibh maith agat, chomh maith!
Now you’ll be fluent ‘as gaeilge’
Haha! That is still a long way to go, for me – but it is very kind of you to say. 🙂
It took a while but I was happy it got there- must have been the altitude and the ancestors! I was flying home toward Ireland xx
It took me three goes, I missed out the internal rhyme then wasn’t happy when I added it then tried again.
Just like me, I also missed the internal rhyme first time which made me have to rethink the entire piece. Looking forward to reading your tomorrow when I’m home and gave more time. It’s been wedding weekend over here in Ireland.
Very nice, thank you.
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I think your Irish ancestors were whispering in your ear. 🙂
They definitely whispered while I circled the clouds on route to Dublin
Bravo! Lovely second attempt! 🙂
Thank you Kat, looking forward to getting home tomorrow to read everyone else’s