NANA’S STOOL

 

I imagine you
on a stool,
not a chair,
always a stool,
by a window
smiling
as you watch us
from heaven,

 

I imagine you
on a stool,
not a chair,
with gentle curls in your hair
and a cardigan for comfort
and a slice of fruit cake,
nothing fancy,
with some butter
watching us
down below
from somewhere above
from somewhere beyond,
rolling your eyes
as our dramas unfold,
tiny little dramas,
family filled dramas,
nothing different,
nothing changed,
like the stool in the kitchen
where I cook now
in your kitchen,
your stool in the kitchen
where once you sat
watching us all,
the comedy of us all,
the tears of us all,
the joy of us all,
altogether,
all the time,
all talking
at the same time,
I imagine you
listening,
perhaps dosing a little
at our delirious dilemmas,
I imagine you listening
and then smiling a little
from up there or over there,
just a touch beyond our skin,
just a breath beyond the breeze,
and then saying our name
so its echo can catch a wing
and sail down to earth,
down to us all,
while you watch
from the stool
from the window
just above

with love…

 

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

In remembrance of Nana Francis Donnelly, 8 years absent from vision but not from heart. 

Christmas, It’s A Wonderful Life

Bells and baubles bound to branches
While tinsel twists and turns and ties,
Santa’s sleighs and snowmen dancing
Lights all aglow like stars in skies,

On the tree an angel sparkles,
Crackers to pull and bells to ring,
Neath the tree a manger slumbers
With a bed that waits for a King,

Reindeers leap with noses glowing
And crystal snowflakes catch the light,
Mama’s wrapping, Daddy’s snoring
While not a child can sleep tonight,

Carrots washed and the cookies laid
The fire is out and chimney preened,
Sprouts are steeping and pudding’s made
Stockings hung and the turkey cleaned,

On the telly Julie’s singing
Over the hills and next to nuns,
In their beds kids are dreaming
Of barbie dolls and small toy guns,

The cards have come and candles lit,
Mistletoe placed and holly hung,
Cupboards bursting and bellies full,
Potatoes pealed and Bing has sung,

Sons and daughters are back at home
Reunions made and laundry done,
Mince pies warmed and the mulled wine brewed
Carolers called, charades begun,

In the dawn all children wakening
Reaching out to stockings now filled
Leap down stairs to gifts awaiting,
Their magic, myth and dreams fulfilled,

Big bird’s in the oven cooking
Husband will carve to charm the wife,
The crib’s now filled with the new born King
Its Xmas tradition, it’s a Wonderful Life.

IMG_4068

 

Merry Christmas Everyone

The Lodger Among Us

Papa said I love you but he never learned to show it

Papa said I love you but I never really felt it

Mama said we’re fine but I wasn’t optimistic

Mama said we’ll run but that was only geographic

Papa wanted us alone with no one in-between

Papa thought the world was dark, all devious and mean

Mama thought her strong enough to never let him hurt her

Mama cried alone when she didn’t think I saw her

 

Papa didn’t smile and wore jumpers inside out

Mama laughed a lot and always dressed up going out

Papa watched the sports and read the papers all day long

Papa never listened and never thought he could be wrong

 

Mama always had the friends and family by her side

Papa never trusted and pushed everyone aside

 

Papa could’ve had all the happiness in his life

Papa conjured insults behind the kindness of his wife

Mama often said when I was grown we’d move away

Mama was the reason that we made it through each day

Papa watched the neighbors come and go behind the window

Papa judged and criticized from his pulpit in the shadow

Mama always saw the good in others on the street

Mama tried to cover up his bitterness and conceit

Papa never knew that his every touch unnerved me

Papa never questioned how his actions could revile me

Mama often said that her husband was oppressing

Mama always said that my coming was her blessing

Papa tried to hide from all the issues of his childhood

Papa failed to notice how they crept into my childhood

Mama tried her best to be Mother, friend and father

Mama wouldn’t let him be the reason we would falter

 

Mama was a hurricane, a pioneer, a fighter

Papa was a frightened man, a loner, an outsider

 

Papa thought through silence he’d be able to control us

Papa couldn’t see that through his silence he had lost us

Mama once believed that when you married you must stay there

Mama learned with time there’s just so much you have to bear

Papa didn’t understand the consequence of actions

Papa never thought about the force of our reactions

 

Papa was just someone else who lived inside my house

Papa was just someone else- neither father, friend or spouse

photo-83

 

The Wonder that was You

Are we alike-

I ask myself?

Could we ever be linked

Together,

Today, any day,

As Mother and Son?

Can we even claim

Those titles

Within each others eyes

Having spent

All our lives

Apart,

Or rather-

All of mine

Since that cord was cut?

And yet, I wonder

Do ties still bind?

Did it hurt

When we

That were both united

Were parted?

How was it to give life

And then watch it

Being taken away?

Do you still consider me child-

Your child,

Your first child?

Or were there others that followed

Who remained by your side?

Are you mother now

To others-

Do you wrap yourself around them

As you once,

So briefly,

Wrapped yourself

Around me?

Do they know

Of my existence

Or not at all,

As I know not of bother or sister-

Another title I dare not claim.

You should know

That I am happy-

That I’ve known joy,

Can you feel it?

After all, it was you

Who gave me the life

To live it-

The one who grew within you,

Who has developed without you,

Who has walked onwards-

SInce birth,

Though ever increasingly

Away from you,

Who has spoken

Often of you

But never directly to you,

Who grew to know love,

In part,

Because of a single decision

You made.

When I see you now-

Deep in my mind-

It is far from the fantasies I once

Envisioned you in.

You are more balanced

In realism, today

Than the childhood dreams

Of Queen in a tower

Or Star on the stage.

That I live-

It is due to your sacrifice,

Those 9 months-

A lifetime to the child that you were-

A child carrying

A child within,

But still,

You gave me time-

Body and soul,

You gave me the chance

With spirit and pride

As you waded through whispers

And rose above rumors.

I’ve had a mother-

Since we parted,

Since leaving the comforts

Of your swollen belly-

A mother who moulded me,

Minded me,

And moved me

With a thousand remembrances

Of your gift to her.

A woman who knew the sacrifice you had made,

Who’d cried the same tears you shed,

A woman who made me grateful

For the Wonder that was You.

photo-42

Remembrances along the roadside

 

That day- do you remember?

In the car, me- racing away

And you- running,

Me- crying,

and you- waving.

Do you remember?

He was inside- watching, brewing, stewing.

Unable to say what it was that he wanted,

Unable to stop what he had from escaping.

We were outside- turned inside out,

Silenced to the limit,

The end had arrived; childhood given over to adult reality.

That day- do you remember?

Me, being driven away-

Leaving the only home I’d ever known.

Leaving the home he’d broken with silence-

That icy cold reserve; reserved for the undeserved-

Me, you, Mum and the multitude of others

Who tried in vain to hold out a hand;

To reach him, to touch him.

I hear his laughter,

Somewhere in the back of my mind,

Somewhere where that boy still resides

And remember that cutting smile,

That ice cold stare and those eyes that night

When they cut like a blade.

That day- do you remember?

You chased me all along and down the road

As Dympna drove and Mother cried in the seat behind.

You- with tears in your eyes

As the car tore me away from all I’d ever know.

I know that boy’s still inside, somewhere,

Painting his bedroom, playing in the attic,

Writing words to help him understand

And patiently praying that all parents were perfect.

All words by Damien B. Donnelly