Hold hope
hold tight
hold on
to what you can
remember
not to get lost
not to let go
not to sink
into the great divide
between you and I
the canyon
that cradled us
without the grandeur
All Words and Photographs by Damien B. Donnelly
Seperation
ELEMENTS
In the uncertainty
between the darkness
and the dawn
there is the gentle dream
of what might
one day
unfold,
in the wings
of the new born bird,
with feathers still unfurling,
there is the fear
of that first flight
still to be flown,
in the page
that rests before me
there is a story
begging to be told
between the weaving
of words
I’ve yet to find,
in the first kiss
I place on your lips
you may taste
the real truth
of why
one day
I’ll have to
let you go,
in every house
not yet a home
there are walls
newly mounted
waiting for memories
to fill in
the cracks
already forming,
in the taxi
we took together
to somewhere
since forgotten
I held your hand
and thought
of someone else
long departed,
in the woman,
not yet a mother,
breathes the ties
already tethered
to the child
she’s yet to bare,
in the waters
broken with new birth,
in the air
that echoes our secrets,
in the fire
that drives our desires,
on this earth
that we tear through in taxis
there are songs
we’ve never heard
we’ve never known
we’ve not yet rejected
still waiting to be sung.
All Words and Photographs by Damien B. Donnelly
Photograph taken in Tarragona Zoo, over looking Sydney Harbour, Sydney, NSW.
Audio version available on SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/damien-donnelly-2/elements
IN THE LIGHT OF LIES
Behind the darkness,
before the morning wakes,
I reach for you, one last time
and accept all that must fall away
in the light of our lies and mistakes.
All Words and Photographs by Damien B. Donnelly
Photograph: Light flooding the Hato Caves on the Dutch caribbean island of Curacao
BLANK CANVAS
I thought it lonely
To be together
With so much standing
In between,
But now,
In this solitude,
These moments tick
Like echoes
Of what’s been lost,
Like laughter
Now fading,
Like love
Now separating,
Like the time shared
Now a fragment of another life,
Another hold we let go of,
Another force to fragile to fight.
I though it lonely
To be together
But this solitary life
Is not the picture
I wanted to paint,
There is too much still life,
All but lines and lessons,
No rhythm,
No reason,
Only a melancholy
In its lack of movement.
White,
Black page,
Blank canvas,
Again?
Ripples…
I drifted away once,
Carried off by a delusional dream
Of how it all could be-
Consumed and captured,
Completely confused
And so far removed
From everything
Palpable
And intrinsically valuable
That I forgot for a while
Who I was,
What I had
And how to return.
I was swept away once, long ago,
By everything I’d ever imagined
That I lost sight of everything
I’d ever had or held.
I’d cast myself somehow
Off into an infinite ocean,
Driven to dive deeper by desires
But only to find that down deep,
In the dark,
Every excessive dream loses luster
And fades forever
Amid the fathomless
Faith of the forgotten
But alas,
I did not wake until the bottom found me
And roared its laughter in my ears
And then,
In those too few precious moments
Of understanding-
When the truth finally surfaced within me,
So deep below,
Every movement made to swim back
To the comfort of your shoreline
Sent such ripples all around me
That I lost sight of where you actually lay.
Will you ever know how the sorrow
Grows within me
As time passes
And we remain
Parted.
I let myself drift away, once,
Only to fail later in finding favor with the shore.
If I were an ocean
I would send ripples
Through the waters
To warn you of my sinking.
But I am mere man,
Trapped inside a body
Of drowning emotions,
Looking always and evermore
For that selfishly forsaken shore.
The Wonder that was You
Are we alike-
I ask myself?
Could we ever be linked
Together,
Today, any day,
As Mother and Son?
Can we even claim
Those titles
Within each others eyes
Having spent
All our lives
Apart,
Or rather-
All of mine
Since that cord was cut?
And yet, I wonder
Do ties still bind?
Did it hurt
When we
That were both united
Were parted?
How was it to give life
And then watch it
Being taken away?
Do you still consider me child-
Your child,
Your first child?
Or were there others that followed
Who remained by your side?
Are you mother now
To others-
Do you wrap yourself around them
As you once,
So briefly,
Wrapped yourself
Around me?
Do they know
Of my existence
Or not at all,
As I know not of bother or sister-
Another title I dare not claim.
You should know
That I am happy-
That I’ve known joy,
Can you feel it?
After all, it was you
Who gave me the life
To live it-
The one who grew within you,
Who has developed without you,
Who has walked onwards-
SInce birth,
Though ever increasingly
Away from you,
Who has spoken
Often of you
But never directly to you,
Who grew to know love,
In part,
Because of a single decision
You made.
When I see you now-
Deep in my mind-
It is far from the fantasies I once
Envisioned you in.
You are more balanced
In realism, today
Than the childhood dreams
Of Queen in a tower
Or Star on the stage.
That I live-
It is due to your sacrifice,
Those 9 months-
A lifetime to the child that you were-
A child carrying
A child within,
But still,
You gave me time-
Body and soul,
You gave me the chance
With spirit and pride
As you waded through whispers
And rose above rumors.
I’ve had a mother-
Since we parted,
Since leaving the comforts
Of your swollen belly-
A mother who moulded me,
Minded me,
And moved me
With a thousand remembrances
Of your gift to her.
A woman who knew the sacrifice you had made,
Who’d cried the same tears you shed,
A woman who made me grateful
For the Wonder that was You.
Adapted to Adoption
Removed from you,
I hear your words more clearly.
You failed to understand me,
You neglected to comprehend my lack of questions
For the one from whose tribulations I was born.
What understanding could I have of myself-
When I failed to understand who I am?
And yet- my love removed- see this:
See the woman-
still wet from birth-
Look upon me with swollen eyes
And say goodbye.
See this woman embrace her child-
For all too short one silent moment-
And say goodbye.
Do I feel her pain today-
Or was there any there at all?
What does she think of me today-
Or does she think of me at all?
What right do I have to invade her life
To awaken her present to the wounds of her past?
Hers was the choice-
not mine.
Hers was the loss-
not mine.
Hers was the sacrifice-
not mine-
Not me.
So do not question me when I do not question myself.
Oft’ times I shall wonder but ne’r shall I intrude.
Old wounds have healed and in my hand the knife shall not turn.
I was embraced by others
While she said her goodbyes.
I have been loved by others
Since she relinquished her ties.
You make me laugh as I sit here alone,
You make me wonder-
Could you ever understand who I am?
—
All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly
Damien B. Donnelly 