Connection

A LOVE OF LAND AND SEA

/ deuxiemepeau / Leave a comment

We were the writers
Of our own world,
You and I,
Creators and curators
Of our own course
And from that first embrace
We built the blueprint
Of our future
Together,
We burnt our imprints
Onto each others flesh
And built a life around
The connection we made
Far from a world
Waged on wealth and war.
We were land and sea
You and I,
For a land without sea
Is just barren and bare
And sea without land
Is but droplets in the air.
We were land and sea
You and I,
And in our rising
I became the half and you
The rest of the whole,
The compliment
To the combination,
Perched so often
Neath star sprinkled sky
Staring at its bounty
Where our fate lay in wait.

By reaching out
I’d found you,
By looking back
You’d seen me.
Lying body upon body,
Soul upon soul,
Strength relieving weakness,
Playing in the fields
Of our own new world,
We created a new life,
They said,
One life,
Our Life.

We built a bond
And blurred the lines
Between you and I.

We had fallen
Deeply.

How did I let that go?

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WHILE TIME STOOD STILL

/ deuxiemepeau / 1 Comment

You were watching
While I was sleeping
When time stood still.
Was I dreaming
We were loving
While time stood still?
In our meeting
There was comfort
And time stood still.
I was hungry,
You were chocolate
When time stood still.
In the morning
You were pensive
And time stood still.
Were you thinking
Of me leaving
As time stood still
Or where you thinking
Of his returning
While time stood still?
In our first kiss
I saw our last kiss
When time stood still.
In the daylight
Who do you kiss
Now time’s no longer still?
Do you watch him
While he’s sleeping
Now time’s no longer still,
Like you watched me
When I was sleeping
While time for us stood still?

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The Lodger Among Us

/ deuxiemepeau / 5 Comments

Papa said I love you but he never learned to show it

Papa said I love you but I never really felt it

Mama said we’re fine but I wasn’t optimistic

Mama said we’ll run but that was only geographic

Papa wanted us alone with no one in-between

Papa thought the world was dark, all devious and mean

Mama thought her strong enough to never let him hurt her

Mama cried alone when she didn’t think I saw her

 

Papa didn’t smile and wore jumpers inside out

Mama laughed a lot and always dressed up going out

Papa watched the sports and read the papers all day long

Papa never listened and never thought he could be wrong

 

Mama always had the friends and family by her side

Papa never trusted and pushed everyone aside

 

Papa could’ve had all the happiness in his life

Papa conjured insults behind the kindness of his wife

Mama often said when I was grown we’d move away

Mama was the reason that we made it through each day

Papa watched the neighbors come and go behind the window

Papa judged and criticized from his pulpit in the shadow

Mama always saw the good in others on the street

Mama tried to cover up his bitterness and conceit

Papa never knew that his every touch unnerved me

Papa never questioned how his actions could revile me

Mama often said that her husband was oppressing

Mama always said that my coming was her blessing

Papa tried to hide from all the issues of his childhood

Papa failed to notice how they crept into my childhood

Mama tried her best to be Mother, friend and father

Mama wouldn’t let him be the reason we would falter

 

Mama was a hurricane, a pioneer, a fighter

Papa was a frightened man, a loner, an outsider

 

Papa thought through silence he’d be able to control us

Papa couldn’t see that through his silence he had lost us

Mama once believed that when you married you must stay there

Mama learned with time there’s just so much you have to bear

Papa didn’t understand the consequence of actions

Papa never thought about the force of our reactions

 

Papa was just someone else who lived inside my house

Papa was just someone else- neither father, friend or spouse

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The Irish Rose of Paris

/ deuxiemepeau / Leave a comment

You fancied yourself as a writer, I think,

So many tales fell, so breathlessly, from your memory.

I am sure it was upon a sweeping staircase

Where we first met, long before foreign men tempted

And twisted us with foreign tales and foreign lips.

You, with your cascading curl’s,

The color of chestnuts in autumn,

And long belted coats- always off and running,

Oblivious to the inmates that surrounded us.

You perfected aloof while I, too shy to say no,

Was dragged to the dorm’s salle-a-manger

By the tedious herd, to partake and party

Until I could peter out unnoticed on hand and knee

To avoid what seemed like another Irish wake.

Later, after introductions, we chain smoked

Life stories in the TV room; those early days

When your smoking choked even me and I wanted

So much to be everything that you effortlessly were.

You were my wild eyed Catherine,

Moving faster than time allowed the rest of us,

While I, your Edgar, looked on in awe and tried to keep up

As Paris turned into our very own Moors.

We prided and congratulated ourselves on our ability

To acclimatize with our newly loved surroundings

Unlike our neighbors; only content with Irish jokes

And Irish bars while in the heart of a city that offered

\So much more than the dung-filled,

Mud-trodden fields which they so missed.

You were my breath of air; my mystery and adventure.

Once, I even questioned whether we could fall in love

And I believe we did- though in no conventional sense.

I was your confident in the College

And your beloved friend as we carved ourselves,

As much as we were allowed by the citizens

And bureaucracy, into our city of light.

Do you remember that wet, dull and far too normal day

In autumn and our train ride through town?

You sang me the love song from Irish shores

And I reveled in how it never seemed to end.

I watched you as you swam through that life

Barely needing to rise for air.

You are mother now

And still forever the rambling teller of tales

While I, still a traveler on this unending road,

Am ever grateful at how seamlessly our paths still cross.

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The Blissful Wake

/ deuxiemepeau / Leave a comment

Before my eyes open,

My body senses you and slowly

Accepts the breaking light

In the shelter of your arms,

Beneath the scent of our lust

Still lingering in the room

From the night before,

I begin to stir

And your body wakens to mine-

Aroused as our legs find ways

To entangle and entwine

Like branches bending together,

Toes running along calf,

Tickling down tiny hairs-

Touching, tempting and teasing.

My eyes open to find you

Next to me,

To let my lips find yours

And allow you be my first sensation,

The first taste of the day,

The first yearning-

Opened and explored.

This is how the light finds me, now,

Today, tomorrow, for evermore,

This is what it’s now like

To lay in the light

Instead of solitary in the shadows,

This is how it is-

Nestled deep within you,

Cosy all around you,

At a loss as to whose hand is whose,

Whose kiss came first,

This is the all clear

Present and future,

This is how the days

Will furthermore begin-

This is the reoccurring dawn

I have dreamed of in sleep-

This is what we make

Of the blissful wake.

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Nana, Always and Forever

/ deuxiemepeau / 3 Comments

The years roll by
In a hazy blur of time passing
At accelerating speeds-
Another year older
And each subsequent year flies by
Faster than the one before,
Filled with new faces,
New phases,
New beginnings,
And newer goodbyes,
Anniversaries draw near
And that feeling arrives-
That sense of something missing-
But just gone of late,
Just out of sight,
Just around the corner-
A blink from view
Because nothing-
Not even time-
Can fade your face
From the forefront of daily thoughts.

Me, the child grown man
Under your helping hand
And gentle guidance,
Me, the child of your child,
You- Nana- always and forever,
With your splash of Tweed on Sundays
And best brown bread
Baked fresh for breakfast-
The sweet mother of my mother,
How much sweeter is memory
Now that you are a member of it-
Central to it,
Remembered ever onwards-
Not just now,
As that day approaches again-
The one that once darkened our door
In the past,
Not just because Spring
Taps itself on my window
And asks for me to open it and let the air flow in,
Is that you on the gentle breeze
That wraps itself around me
On early morning walks
And journeys home
During sunsets,
Sunsets you watched so often
From your stool,
In the kitchen,
By the window,
Station road,
North of the city,
Counting the busses,
Watching for the kids on the trains
And blessing everyone
With your goodness
And a drop of holy water
If they were lucky enough
To cross through your door.

Are you still there, somewhere, somehow,
Watching the lane
And its comings and goings,
Listening to the football in the field next door-
The shouts and roars and cheers for the save,
Do you still keep up
With who’s moved out,
Who’s moved in,
And who’s passed on-
Are they with you now,
Swapping stories,
Making tea
And laughing at the rest of us
Still battling and balling,
Crying and falling?

What we placed in the ground
Was merely your earthly remains,
Your soul and spirit
Are freer now
Than ever before-
Sometimes I feel you so close
And smile at the comfort that it brings.

Your story is without ending
We carry you, a little treasured piece, within us all
You walk this road, still, with us
Always and forever…

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The Beauty Within

/ deuxiemepeau / Leave a comment

Put your hand

In mine,

To pull me

Not apart,

But to please me,

Pleasure me and perfect me

Into a useful unity-

A balanced blend

Of better beings

Than before-

Less bestial, base

And bitter

Than the twisted tribes

Who’ve crossed my path

In darker days of late

With their loins

Full of lust and longing…

 

Let this smile

Sink through skin,

Seep under substance

And build in us

The ability

To laugh

Through the long hours

And bask in the benefits

Of the beauty

We’ve made within…

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The Greener Grass

/ deuxiemepeau / Leave a comment

How do you remain so still,

So stable

While I so shake?

As your city slumbers,

I stand upon a bridge

That spans over you

And watch, silently,

The swaying waters by your banks-

Your only show of movement

And yet,

These are motions of depth,

Of power and maturity;

Not a single spray of insecurity

And, all the while,

I tremble as my feet thread over you

For fear that those memories,

So precious,

That I made in the heart of you

Have lost their shady shadows

Of mundane living that must have been

A part of us too.

Can it really have been

As perfect and sun-lit

As I remember?

Was there not a single day

That dampened the mood

Or dulled the sheen?

Your golden Louvre, glistening

In the sunset on front of us

From this square of gallant green

Normally filled with glasses of wine

And kissing lovers,

Is as connected to you today

As it was yesterday-

Just as I feel,

And yet she never left your side,

Never questioned her position

Or connection-

Not even for a moment,

Like I did.

Dare I return

To find my mark in you again?

Can it truly be as great

As the memory in my head?

Can it be as natural

As the dream that plays

While the nocturnal bird sings-

The one that wakes me in the night

And asks me where I am

And how I have managed

To let so much time

Slip in between us.

Can I ever be brave enough

To see going back

As moving forward?

Can I be as bold

At nearly 40

As I was

At only 20?

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Italian Thoughts

/ deuxiemepeau / Leave a comment

 

You washed over me today-

Darkest hair, hazel of eyes

And that lower luscious lip-

As I retraced those steps

From a lifetime ago

And found myself

Lost again-

Like all those years ago-

When I’d first fallen

Upon this Sea of a City,

Back when your heart

Had begun to feel

More like mine

Than mine itself.

I’d walked that narrow walled city

That day

As gallant green waters

Glistened along side me

And I listened out for the ghosts

Of past parties

In Taffeta skirts-

Giggling

And with masked faces-

Smiling

Before I stopped,

And by this very bridge,

I called you

And told you

I’d fallen

And thought nothing of those rushing waters

Beneath me-

Their movement,

Their depth,

Their current-

How far they can take you

From the shore.

I thought us to be as inseparable

As Gondola from Gondolier

And yet we sank

As surely as the City will itself

One day,

Some day

When time itself has forgotten all about

The lovers who laughed

And loved

And kissed

And promised-

Just like us

Before the waves washed us over

And around

And in between,

Before our hands let go

And you slipped away to dance through other lands,

In other hands,

That Time and Space that time has almost forgotten

And yet,

Do you know-

There are times

When my lower lip trembles

With the memory

Of your kiss

And the weight

Of your heart

When I wore it?

—

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

 

Adapted to Adoption

/ deuxiemepeau / Leave a comment

 

Removed from you,

I hear your words more clearly.

You failed to understand me,

You neglected to comprehend my lack of questions

For the one from whose tribulations I was born.

What understanding could I have of myself-

When I failed to understand who I am?

And yet- my love removed- see this:

See the woman-

still wet from birth-

Look upon me with swollen eyes

And say goodbye.

See this woman embrace her child-

For all too short one silent moment-

And say goodbye.

Do I feel her pain today-

Or was there any there at all?

What does she think of me today-

Or does she think of me at all?

What right do I have to invade her life

To awaken her present to the wounds of her past?

Hers was the choice-

not mine.

Hers was the loss-

not mine.

Hers was the sacrifice-

not mine-

Not me.

So do not question me when I do not question myself.

Oft’ times I shall wonder but ne’r shall I intrude.

Old wounds have healed and in my hand the knife shall not turn.

I was embraced by others

While she said her goodbyes.

I have been loved by others

Since she relinquished her ties.

You make me laugh as I sit here alone,

You make me wonder-

Could you ever understand who I am?

—

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly