SHINY HAPPY PERSON

 

I do not play chess.
I grew bored of board games at an early age, as an only child
who lived in his head where fairies were magical and not mauled.
I guess I had enough make believe on my shoulder, already.
I was ultra-shy as a kid,
I guess I didn’t understand who I was and tried not to get tied up
in conversations that consisted of ruminations of who I wanted
to become. Identity was difficult to determine on a blank canvas
that already had sections sinking below the surface.
We had a cherry blossom tree
in the front garden that rained pink petals onto the lawns
in late spring, I remember standing under them in a white suit,
new holder of the holy spirit and wondering if it would make it
any easier and what is the weight of a knot.
I would slay dragons for you.
I remember saying that over and over, I’d heard it once, in a movie
when I was too young to know how many people I’d say it too
and how few would slay even a tame dog in return.
I know who I am, now
since those quiet days under the fall of the cherry when rainy days
meant silly games and the coming of the spirit didn’t have as much
effect on my soul as it did on my wallet.
I have tasted more, too-
beauty, bounty, boys, bitches, sunsets and saints, gods and clowns,
serpents that tasted sweet and a certain kind of cute
that gave venomous a new name. I too have found the bitter side
of who I can be, they’d put me on a pedestal at a young age
and left me there, perishing alone, at that height and since then my knees
have always trembled at the sight of stairs.
I’ve climbed right down since then
and managed to make my way out of the gutter while putting together
my own idea of what it takes to embrace the darkness while shining
like a fucking star.

 

All words and photographs by Damien B Donnelly

10 thoughts on “SHINY HAPPY PERSON

  1. merrildsmith

    Oh my–what a sweet photo and what a cutie pie you were! I guess what they say about growing and learning–but we all know that you’re a shining star.

  2. Mike Powell

    Illusions and identify. You never shy away from complex and potentially troubling topics, Damien, do you? The photo is sweet–you look so cute in that white suit. First Communion? “I would slay dragons for you”–don’t we all still want to believe in that, no matter how illogical, improbable, and unlikely that seems? I would hesitate to join you in saying “I know who I am,” because parts of me seem to be ever changing, sometimes evolving perhaps and sometimes devolving, even though the core remains unchanged. No matter what others think or say, we should be free to be ourselves. Shine on, my friend.

    1. deuxiemepeau

      I guess I was shy for too long that perhaps I’m making up for all I never questioned before or the fact that only now am I learning how to ask the questions. Sometimes it is the questions that take the longest in forming. I understand what you mean about ‘who I am’ although I certainly think I have more insight into who I have become so far and am not so ignorant of all that shades be they good or bad. Let’s all shine 🤞🤞

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