I awoke last night-
Still drowsy from dreaming-
To be enveloped instantly
By a surreal silence
As the darkness
Carried the weight of your absence
To the depths
Of its sulking shadows.
I sat there,
Alone and shaking-
Upright in the bed-
Blanketed
In an all too restrictive covering
Of icy cold, concrete-like blackness-
Unable to breath,
Too fearful to move-
For so long had I been with you
That without you
Was so much more
Than my being could possibly
Comprehend.
It was palpable
Your loss-
And I was un-comforted
By this dead air
That lingered
In the wake of your exodus.
The constant company
Of your companionship
Had been so normal,
So ordinary,
Such a daily acceptance
Of my waking life,
That to be deprived
Of all imaginable sound
Felt, last night,
In that newly prisoned room,
Like flesh ripped from bone,
Sight removed from eye,
Sense depleted from skin-
How powerfully your presence
Had domination over me
And how foolish I was
In my failure to notice.
I awoke last night
Distracted by a dis-ease
That slithered itself around me
Like a soiled serpent
As I fought my way
Through random reasons
Why you’d decided to dis-passionately desert me.
Fled fast- had you
After what you’d decided was our last act?
Had enough,
Had your fill,
Composed your composition upon me
And now
No more was I someone to muse over,
No more to play upon,
Practice upon,
Empress your tune upon.
Silence.
Was this more commonplace
Than I dared
Imagine
Or understand?
Had there been others before,
Others left behind,
Before me,
By you,
Left alone and abandoned
In the vicious vacuum
Of emptiness
That your departure creates?
I awoke last night-
But you being so far removed would have never known-
And all I could muster
Were tiny inaudible breaths
As my skin prickled over
In goose flesh
To amplify the remaining senses
While the hair rose high on the back of my neck.
For a moment,
I thought I detected your return
And darted from bed to window
To welcome you joyously-
Honestly and hole-heartedly
Yet it was all but hope
Highlighted by memory
Without a single footing in reality.
But I stood there,
In silence-
Standing still,-
Watching,
Wishing,
Waiting,
Willing you, silently
To show your head,
Sound the alarm,
An alarm, any alarm.
Re-claim your position at the top of the senses.
Re-claim me as your valued courter, customer, lover,
And above all-
Listener.
Leave me not like this;
Cast astray to only taste, touch and see.
Blast me once more into the wailing world,
Scream me into subservient submission.
Build for me an orchestra at the foot of my bed
To fill my sleepless days and wakeful nights
With stirring strings and operatic arias;
Cascading compilations of chaotic cacophonies.
Leave me not like this-
Not now
After so long-
After such a union was made-
Since eyes were first opened
And ears
First heard.
Name me not silently defeated,
Challenged,
Muted.
Blast me
Once more
With the full force
Of your symphonic soundings
And see how my ears shall tremble upon the tone.
Abandon me not to this stilted silence
Where nothing pains my ears more than this nothingness.
I awoke last night,
Still drowsy from dreaming-
Dreaming of you-
The only place where you still roar me to life.
I awoke last night
To what I have now truly learned is silence
And screamed in my head
For a nanosecond
Of noise.
