MOMENT AFTERWARDS 

 

In absence

lips lean out

in longing,

clouds gathering,

a chill in the air,

the warmth slipping.

 

Memory is a playful thing,

you tease and turn

over and back to before.

 

We kissed,

I feel it intensely,

I see it clearly

in the mirror

still marked

from a night now over.

 

Cold showers

call out

from the falling rain,

seasons come and go.

 

Moments linger longer.

 

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

POLAROID 

 

Camera stands to capture
all the memory cannot hold.

Stand. Strike. Flash
before we fade.

I hold a younger you
in my older hands;

lips
just settling after a smile
and your eyes;

forever with questions
I couldn’t answer

and now
all that stands
is our silence;

for the voice
is never part of the Polaroid.

 

All words by Damien B. Donnelly.

Photograph taken at the Irving Penn exhibition at Grand Palais Paris

TIME ON THE TIDE, PART 9; TRUSTING TIME

 

We slip and slide
like grains of sand
that the sea seduces
as time sweeps over us,
combing us into compact
companions that come apart
after the sun shines
and the warmth dries us up,
how we hate the sand
that slips between the cracks
when we are parted
from the shore and so
we pull apart before we slip
and slide again, making
memory solely of the golden
grains and not the matted
mess that formerly moulded us
into misunderstood,
trusting time to thrust us
into more of a lasting truth
and I wonder if the water
coming in, sweeping up,
spreading out over each grain of sand
has a memory of the last time
it touched the shore or if each sweep
inland is like a new breath,
a fresh attempt to hold
onto something more
hopeful?

 

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

Audio version available on Soundcloud:

https://soundcloud.com/damien-donnelly-2/time-on-the-tides-part-9-trusting-time

 

I CAME TO THE CITY, PART 6; EVERYTHING COMES AND GOES

 

Part I…

Everything comes and goes,

you can’t court without a spark
but nothing lasts as long
as that first light, that first night,
already fading before the morning
finds us fumbling, trying to get through,
to get on, to something shinier, to something more new.
Something more new.

Everything comes and goes

like those lines we never got to cross
though we prayed and paced ourselves
like panthers on the prey. ‘Stay time,’
we beg, ‘and I will bend to your will,
if you are willing,’ but it doesn’t and we can’t
get back to where we started, to that point where hope departed.
Where hope departed.

Everything comes and goes

and trains change tracks along the midway
and beauty is dying in the cut bouquet
as we change carriages for convenience
to be closer to connections, but touch, like time,
is temporary and every stop sees another petal
fall to the stoop, we are dying to be held but by death propelled.
By death propelled.

Everything comes and goes

and we are people parading in parks
in technological bubbles that bind us
to a common blindness, courting on computers,
arousals now viral and no virtual, thinking
time is to be trusted, trains will take us where we want
but time is not ours, lines get lost and petals continue to fall from the flowers.
Fall from the flowers.

Everything comes and goes

but I’ve become accustomed
to carrying carriages inside me
for the colours I’ve collected
and the connections now curated,
nothing I no longer leave as refuge on the road.

Even the lines I managed to miss have become moments I cannot dismiss…

 

Part II, The missing line…

Everything comes and goes;
a hot summer night long ago,
when my mind’s eye let my finger
linger on the line of hair that chased
a fleeting care along your chest
as the breeze blew bodies bare
and I was caught your smile
as you read my thoughts for a while.
 
You with your short dark hair
amid a season of bland blondes,
you, who I never kissed or lay with,
who I never undressed outside a dizzy dream
of sweat and steam. You, with your eyes
a subtle shade of blue in green. You,
in that red shirt and tight fitting jeans.
 
You were the first man I’d seen
in such a long time, having been lost for a while
in arms as harmless as they were hairless
while I cavorted about their baby soft skins
with a caress cornered in careless.
 
You looked like something rare
on that night as the setting sun sizzled
and breezes briefly blew that body bare.

That tremendous night
with the light already fading
when nothing really happened
except for the soft touch of that line
I never managed to upset and,
more importantly, never managed to forget.

Everything comes and goes…

All words and sketches by Damien B. Donnelly

Audio version available on Soundcloud:

 

NO KNOT CANNOT BE UNDONE

Day 21 National Poetry Writing Month #NaPoWriMo

Pulled are we
(OFF; no more)
from under and over
and pushed (panting)
by fleeting fate when we fail
to trust (when THRUSTS grow frail)
and the body rolls off, recoils
and the mind rethinks, returns. Let go,
did you, of that hand ONCE held
in that taxi ONCE, while thinking of another,
in that BED while sniffing out that longing
for SOMEONE missing while growing tired
of the taste of someone PAINFULLY PRESENT?
Fine is the line between decision and destination,
(that fine line that COMES quickly before it curdles)
between the CHOICES we make in a moment’s PLEASURE
and the paths that reposition our POWER.
Is it held by the BOTTOM or by the TOP?
We are FREE to release, (across your chest,
across our chains) we are free when released,
(emptied, exhausted) free from confusion;
untangled; no KNOT cannot be undone,
double negatives should never be done,
but we are UNDONE,
undefined or redefined,
reduced again
to that single state
of SELFISH.

                                MY, ME, I.

How quickly
we slip from tongues touching
all that is SACRED to a solitary scrubbing
of all that’s been SOILED.

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

AS THE BAND PLAYS ON…

Day 5: National Poetry Writing Month #NaPoWriMo

Amid the misty moods of jazz,
strings starring
the elegance of Ellington,
shadows caress
the couples kissing,
the barman swaying
and the affected
aficionados
converging
on the cello
player,
playing softly on seduction
sentimental moods

as the smell of him
sways still
over my skin
like fingers on the piano,
like the tune
he has played
on other bones,
(and softly sounds the sax)
on other bodies
(and the percussion pipes up)
while he moves
through the crowd;
my man of the moment,

oh my man,
I’ll miss him so…

mood moving from indigo
to let it go.

I watch him
slipping through
mouths sipping wine,
lips licking lyrics,
hands finding heat
below the table,
across the strings.

I’ve wandered down Bleaker
and tasted
the brown brick air,
I saw the sun
set down
high on the Hudson
and felt the wind
whisper the distant song
of solitude
that is never far
from my fold.

I’ve flown so far
to get here,
to this home,
his home,
amid the horns
and harmonies
(I’m already setting free)
it’s the strangest feeling
to know I am here
but will soon be gone,
for the A-train will be calling

as the band plays on…

Al Words and Photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

Audio version available on SoundCloud:

 

NaPoWriMo: ENTITLEMENTS

 

And so it begins, National (Global) Poetry Writing Month #NaPoWriMo

30 new poems over 30 days

Gird your loins! (Or Lines!)

Who’s joining in? Feel free to post your blog address in the comments section here to make sure everyone knows what you’re up to…

All pillars fall
over time,
all gods
grow down
out of grandeur,
grow pale
out of waste
(we cannot
always worship
that which is distant)
and gravitate
into grasp as age
and taste and circumstance
wrinkle the concrete columns
we set them once upon,
so high, too high
to truly touch at times
like trees too tall
in forests to far to reach,
too distant to be seen.

All pillars fall
over time,
all trees topple,
and their tales
revealed as circles
turned and twisted
in trunks we could not
wrap ourselves around
until we cut them down,
like bodies
bound by loves
and lusts
we could not reach
until we found a way in.

But you

You
will not
come down,
will not be grounded
(precious distance
demands still
songs of glory)
will not
wrap around
this flesh that feels
your fingers too far,
though still I breathe,
though not do I rot.
You;
not made
for me
but a moment
considered
too late,
too complicated,
but mystery,
but man
becoming myth,
no kisses but misses,

still missed.

I tended
too much
to the roots,
thoughts twisting
through a time
now past
(like your eyes to my sight)
now lost
(like your voice to my ears)
a time
never touched
(we never touched
but watched it
slip though fingers).
I let it tower
untended,
not over me
(how I wished),
but away from me
and found myself
firm footed
on strange soil
and you;
in the sky
of dreams
on a pillar
I built for you
never thinking
you’d one day
grow out,
out of reach,
our of hand,
out of hope,
out of hold
(all that I never held),
hand that I can’t
let go of
even if it’s now
too far from reach.

If you never had it
to begin with,
are you still
entitled
to miss it?

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

Audio version available on SoundCloud:

https://soundcloud.com/damien-donnelly-2/entitlements

TALES ALONG THE STREETS OF A TIME NOW DEPARTED

 

Sitting by gas fires having gas craic where once
there were open fires, tended fires, where once
the ceilings rose higher and the walls seemed
wider as if now weighed down with habits
and history, tales burn bright like turf
taking flight, blazing through time, a string
of stories flickering fine in the evening’s amber
light of memory, moments made and measured
in simpler ways, in simpler days, in a sleepy town,
a country town were family folded in between fields
to farm and food to find, stories starting with;
‘Mammy warned us, if Mammy found out, Mammy
would kill us, Mammy, give him a clout!’ Reach out,
listener; catch the smoke about to smother the light
from what happened long ago on streets and faces
that time has now outgrown. See them then,
younger and lighter and giddy on laughter
(no laughter at that table, said Nana) your uncle
grabbed a cake once when they weren’t looking,
when they were no taller than an oven, shared it
with brother and off ran, the boys, shaking, see them
shaking the streets with childhood (before they knew
it would outrun them) ‘Don’t look back, don’t tell
the mammy, let’s savour the flavour and not the smack!’

See the girls now women, now ladies (so they say)
hiding posh frocks in thorny bushes, changing down
lanes out of sight from mothers and then in shorter skirts
they stick thumbs out to crowded cars who’ll ferry
fairer girls to band-hall dances, the brothers hiding
in ditches till cars stop for pretty legs but find petty boys
wedging security between boys with cars and the girls
they’d stopped for. Country cottages filling up fast,
priests teaching parishioners never to abstain,
never to complain, though never explained how
to turn water into wine to stop the baby’s whines
and every young mother forgets what it was
not to be pregnant, not to be planning, not to be pushing,
pushing the older kids into corner beds, kitchen beds,
and beds under beds. See them in this house, in a time
before this house was a modern home, when water
was outside and the buckets carried inside to the bedside
at night time for midnight toilet time. Check the bucket
before your business begins, brother’s missing
his socks again and the other one laughing
beneath the blanket. Look again, look back
to the past now parting, now pealing from walls
like wallpaper that clung on too long to linger longer
(don’t pull; it will come to you) they’re climbing
through windows cause the open door has found
its closure after curfew. See him, silly boy,
comical brother, untypical twin, he’s got the window
down and the foot almost in, another step
and he breaks the bed his brother’s asleep in! Hear them
laughing; the bed is broken and Brian thinks he’s dying
but his brother’s already snoring. See them burning
through the flames of time, twisting back, sneaking
Daddy out the front door after dinner for drinks
in the town while Mammy is busy with the bacon
and the bread. See them through the clothes
in the bushes and the beds almost breaking
and the bucket overflowing and the cakes, off running
through streets still standing, still shining a light
on the laughter of children that once rang out
that once, once, once, upon a time…

All words and photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

Audio version available on SoundCloud:

 

SING NOT OF SATISFACTION

Screen Shot 2017-03-12 at 11.47.54

I’ve looked for you
in corners of the past
no longer concerned
with connections
to considerations
I once cradled
(we never cradled)
but since carefully
filed and folded
(like pictures pressed
into pages of albums
never opened)
into a folder
of foolishness
fantasised
on foreign fields,
though never fertile,
though never suitable
for the fondness
we felt but never held,
a fleeting flirtation
we never saw
to fruition,
no admission,
no submission
to mounting
attraction,
seduction
(sing not of satisfaction!)

I’ve seen you
still surviving
in the shadow
of sleep’s delusions;
delirious distractions,
abstractions
of colour and light
of ‘could have beens’
that blanket me
in mistruths,
piling passion
into pillows
never pressed
with your lips
or my caress
to your comfort,
sojourns of sleep
that soothe not
the waking visions
violated by your
polar position,
leaving me
breathless
in the restless
dark naked night,
far too far
from your face,
your flesh,
your form.

Album
barely filled,
rarely opened,
never disregarded.

All Words and Sketches by Damien B. Donnelly

Audio version available on SoundCloud:

https://soundcloud.com/damien-donnelly-2/sing-not-of-satisfaction