light

NOT QUITE RIGHT

/ deuxiemepeau / 2 Comments

 

You swept into the shadows
of all that once was, last night,
like a blur upon the light,
not quite right,
not quite.
I’d slept beneath his covers
after he’d taken off, one night
and you’d caught me in your sight
hoping that I might
well, quite.
You’d found me in a rainstorm
as Christmas day became christmas night
and I the gift that you could bite
as anybody might
and you were right.
I fucked you in his absence
as if to be alone would not be right
and who was I to fight
the stranger in the night,
all right.
You watched me as I slumbered
tangled up beside you, that night
as if you’d somehow seen the light
of all that wasn’t right,
well, not quite.
I left you in the morning
before attachments grew too tight,
before the morning shed its light
on all that wasn’t right,
not quite right.
I left you in the morning
but wondered what occurred that night
when he was back in your embrace, behind the light,
I wondered if you made it back to right,
like you’d felt with me that night
when everything seemed right,
well, not quite.

All Words and Drawing by Damien B. Donnelly

IN THE LIGHT OF LIES

/ deuxiemepeau / 5 Comments

 

Behind the darkness,
before the morning wakes,
I reach for you, one last time
and accept all that must fall away
in the light of our lies and mistakes.

All Words and Photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

Photograph: Light flooding the Hato Caves on the Dutch caribbean island of Curacao 

HE TOOK THE LIGHT

/ deuxiemepeau / 10 Comments

 

He took the light
wrapped himself around it
as the rain fell outside
as the machine beeped
in the room next to him
the same monotonous sound
unchanging, unending, eternal

He took the light
held it to his body
as the darkness fell outside
as the machine beeped
in the room next to him
the same hypnotic motion
sounding, stopping, sounding, stopping

He took the light
down beneath the covers
as if light could conquer darkness
as if light could elevate illness
while all the world was sleeping
but the machine kept on beeping
calling, signalling, coming closer

He took the light
before the light took him…

 

All Words and Photographs by Damien B. Donnelly

THE LIGHT WE ARE

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There is a light,
Amid the shadows,
Within our slumber,

There is a light,
That never flickers,
That cannot stumble.

There is a light,
In the very breath
That feeds us,

There is a light,
In every loving eye
That sees us.

There is a light,
In every dream
We dare to hope for,

There is a light,
In every joy
We try to reach for.

In the grace
Of every waking day,

In the rise
Of every starry sky,

In the person
That we can still become.

There is a light,
And it shines
Beyond reproach,

There is a light
And it burns
Beyond decay.

There is a light,
I can see it
Right before me,

There is a light
And within it
Lies my story

Still waiting to be told…

 

THE STRUGGLE

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To be a poet of
The heart and mind
Is to step away
From all that is close
And to look back
From afar.
To struggle
With the truth
Of what we are told
And to search for
What we believe.
To fall on the road
And document the struggle
To stand again.
To be torn from
The heart of your dearest
By the changing hand
Of that very heart
And find a place again,
In your own, alone.

To breath again
And remind yourself
To do this daily,
To look into the dark
And, in blindness,
Search for the light.

To dream at night
While accepting
The reality
Of the coming dawn.

To open your eyes
To an unknown world
When you were safe
In the one you’d accepted.
To wander
The lonely road
That you must take,
Alone.
To cry,
To shed your pain,
To cleanse your body,
To clear out
So as to move on.
To sob
In the face of beauty
And smile
In the midst of horror
So as to live.

To travel
The mind’s horizons
And discover the bounties
Hidden in its depths
So as to release the poet
Inside lays within us all.

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SHADOW AND LIGHT

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At 22,
I knew as much of myself
As the exotic world
I’d just found
With streets willing me
To walk them
Witness them
And be wooed by them.
My twenties
Had typically emerged
As a decade to be a no one;
An empty slate to be carved upon
Before my thirties would find me
And shout me with substance.

I’d lost parents
Before knowing them; given up
In a sacrifice of selflessness
Almost incomprehensible
And found
In the arms of another mother
A love that would prove
Incontestable.

I searched,
During infantile years,
Amid childish ego
And innocence,
For connections
To those around me;
The mother
Loved so unequivocally
And the father
Aged in aggression,
With a gap too great to bridge
And so I turned to walk
Shadowy miles of roads in my head,
Clumsily cramming teenage years
With classically confusing
Childish dribble,
Trying to sound like a grown-up
In size 6 shoes,
Feeling different,
Unknown,
And, more often than not,
Undiscovered.

Finally,
I braved knocks on dark doors-
Frequented bars in back lanes
And alley ways,
Away from the eyes of the pious
Whose ignorance
Bullied the boys
With different desires.
I kissed
My first boy
At 18
Behind a sofa
As excited as a child
On Christmas morning,
Finding courage
Behind shades and acceptance
In a community I had become
No longer
Soul member of.

Cuddling and kissing progressed,
Over time, to sweaty,
Fumbling, amateur athletics
Behind the lights
Replacing shame and catholic guilt
With newfound feelings of freedom
As I began
To notch my way
Onto bedposts
Of various conquests.

Between courtings
I often cried
For lovers in whose arms
I should never have laid
And wondered why I ran
From others in whose embrace
I should have stayed,
All but memories
Patterned into the tissue
Of my sleeve-worn,
Still learning, heart,
Cherished moments
That wished to be relived
Along with others
That longed for time to fade.

I had assumed these
To be bruises
As I fell upon these new
Foreign streets
But have recognised them since
To be no more than lifelines,
Imprints, echoes merely of
Shadow and light.

They were all
Important diversions
Along the road,
Pivotal points
Goading me
Into this very direction.
Some of them
Fell away by your banks
And others settled in,
Ingrained themselves like streets
That mapped themselves
Out in front of me
And gradually,
Over time,
Carved their way
Indelibly
Inside of me.

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